I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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