Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
