Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
