I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
