If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
