I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
