My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
