Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
