She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
