I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You can't motorboat a personality
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
