His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
