Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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