I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
