Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
