just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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