forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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