I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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