He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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