Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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