apparently the secret to your success is patron
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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