If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
