worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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