Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
