Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
