I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
