all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
This baby is an asshole
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
