Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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