oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Its about making memories worth repressing
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Randomize
