I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
