STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
