She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
