What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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