dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
