the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
