This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
