I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
