1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
