The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
