my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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