Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I've blown a few things in my day
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
