Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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