Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I wish you could order shots online.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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