I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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