youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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