I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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