i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
