i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
