its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
