I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
