day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
