so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
