with your own penis?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
